The story began:
“I come from a sports and athletic background, and so a lot of my friends are athletes. My athletic friends tend to be very focused and competitive people, and they’re used to being very aggressive.
When they were diagnosed with cancer, I watched them go into their competitive and athletic mode, and they would say `I’m going to fight this thing’.
They would fight their cancer the same way they fought their athletic battles, with gritted teeth and courage and determination.
Brian said, “What I noticed about these guys who were so tough and fought cancer so hard was that in a lot of cases they burned out really soon.
When my mother got cancer, “Her approach was kind of the opposite. She wanted to live, but she never said she was going to fight this cancer.
One of the things I watched her do is that she decided to drop everything that was stressful from her life.”
Shopping was stressful for her, so she dropped it. Driving a car was stressful so she stopped driving. In fact, she stopped doing everything she didn’t want to do, and she only kept the things she really enjoyed.
And she made a point of becoming very relaxed and enjoying her life.
“This experience made me think that maybe the idea of fighting for your life when you have cancer is like trying to fight off insomnia.”
“If you decide to fight insomnia by gritting your teeth and saying `I’m tough, I’ve fought lots of battles, I’m going to fight this insomnia and I’ m going to beat this thing, well, you’ll never fall asleep. It won’t work.”
his comments about trying to use "will power" to fight insomnia are worth keeping in mind when we are facing a problem.
When they were diagnosed with cancer, I watched them go into their competitive and athletic mode, and they would say `I’m going to fight this thing’.
They would fight their cancer the same way they fought their athletic battles, with gritted teeth and courage and determination.
Brian said, “What I noticed about these guys who were so tough and fought cancer so hard was that in a lot of cases they burned out really soon.
When my mother got cancer, “Her approach was kind of the opposite. She wanted to live, but she never said she was going to fight this cancer.
One of the things I watched her do is that she decided to drop everything that was stressful from her life.”
Shopping was stressful for her, so she dropped it. Driving a car was stressful so she stopped driving. In fact, she stopped doing everything she didn’t want to do, and she only kept the things she really enjoyed.
And she made a point of becoming very relaxed and enjoying her life.
“This experience made me think that maybe the idea of fighting for your life when you have cancer is like trying to fight off insomnia.”
“If you decide to fight insomnia by gritting your teeth and saying `I’m tough, I’ve fought lots of battles, I’m going to fight this insomnia and I’ m going to beat this thing, well, you’ll never fall asleep. It won’t work.”
his comments about trying to use "will power" to fight insomnia are worth keeping in mind when we are facing a problem.
Not every problem can be solved with will power and determination.
In such fields as business and sports, an attitude of determination and competitiveness can be very useful, and can be highly rewarded.
If we have been very successful in these fields by being high powered, determined and aggressive, we may try to use the same approach to tackle every problem. Aggressively and head-on. With grit and determination.
However, being aggressive and determined does not work on every kind of problem.
If your mate is unhappy in your marriage, or your child has a serious illness, or if you have too much stress in your life, then using determination and aggression will not solve these problems. In these situations, aggressiveness does not work.
We need to recognize those situations where another approach might work better.
Sometimes what we need to do is relax more, let go of our illusion that we can control everything, become more humble, and be open to living in the moment even when we don’t know all the answers.
In such fields as business and sports, an attitude of determination and competitiveness can be very useful, and can be highly rewarded.
If we have been very successful in these fields by being high powered, determined and aggressive, we may try to use the same approach to tackle every problem. Aggressively and head-on. With grit and determination.
However, being aggressive and determined does not work on every kind of problem.
If your mate is unhappy in your marriage, or your child has a serious illness, or if you have too much stress in your life, then using determination and aggression will not solve these problems. In these situations, aggressiveness does not work.
We need to recognize those situations where another approach might work better.
Sometimes what we need to do is relax more, let go of our illusion that we can control everything, become more humble, and be open to living in the moment even when we don’t know all the answers.
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